Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
