I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
