Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
