I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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