then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
