My friends, they love my intelligence
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
