so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
