It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
