he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
