tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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