It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
sarcasm needs its own font
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
