two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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