I am puke
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
