if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
