drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
