She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
