idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
