I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
