i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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