im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
