you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Enjoy the penises
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
