Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
