He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
do herpes really smell.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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