please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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