peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
