Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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