actually, I'm a sock model
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
