you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
