she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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