NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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