I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
