also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
