he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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