dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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