If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
