at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
