So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
