you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
