1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Randomize
