Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
