Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
