i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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