Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
