I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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