kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
