can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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