The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
