I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
