Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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