New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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