Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
